My Mom is a Patient Saint (By Sophie)

I adore my mom. She does amazing things. She knows EXACTLY when I need a tummy rub, big food or to play chase with my rubber chicken. She loves me more than Sarah (I think). She also manages to be nice when people say things to her that make her eyes cross when no one is looking…

Here are some things that some people have said quite recently to my mom that show just how patient and truly kind she is:

“Your hostas need dividing.” (What Mom Wanted to Say but Didn’t: “No kidding, Sherlock. I also have about 100 seedlings ready to plant, 50 bags of mulch of spread, a bed to dig, weeding to do, the list goes on. In fact, you’re LOOKING at the list right now. See HOSTAS right there at the top? And OH. I HAVE A JOB!!!!” What She Said: “Yes, there’s never enough time, is there?”)

“That flower I gave you is really doing well.” (What Mom Wanted to Say: “Yes, indeedy. That flower you gave me happens, in fact, to be INVASIVE. That’s why there are 300 of those [bleep] things that have taken over half of the bed they’re in. I’ll never get rid of them.” What She Said: “Very well! Do you want some back?”)

“You look tired.” (What Mom Wanted to Say: “Really? I wonder why? I just finished working in the garden–by myself–for 8 hours then vacuumed the house and now I’m making bread to go with our homemade soup for dinner. I didn’t expect to look tired at least until I had cleaned the bathrooms and put up the laundry.” What She Said: “Yep.”)

“I’ll wait until that seedling is a little bigger before I take it home.” (What Mom Wanted to Say: “Oh, I’m happy to keep this little seedling alive until you’re ready for the responsibility of plopping it into the ground and giving it a bit of water. You want me to just give it to you when the tomatoes are ready to harvest?” What She Said: “No problem. I’ll let you know when they’re really mature enough to handle the move.”) “I’ve been in this kitchen for TWO HOURS!” (What Mom Wanted to Say: “Eee Gad. TWO HOURS? However do you do it? You’re amazing!” What She Wanted to Say: Okay, that’s what she actually said.)You should all be nice to my mom. I’m a little worried that her eyes are going to stay crossed and someone is going to say something about her crossed eyes and she is going to say something back that she really doesn’t want to say about why her eyes are crossed and that she’s trying not to say something that she shouldn’t.

Okay?