I know y’all are probably scratching your heads trying to think up the best gift ideas for your loved ones this Christmas.
So to inspire you I thought I would share a few of the cherished gifts my little brother and I have given each other over the past two or three years.
First things first. Here’s my little brother Dale. I always think of him as my “little brother” although at 6’3 he’s not so little anymore.
In case you can’t see it, Dale’s t-shirt says “My Indian Name is Runs with Beer.” This says a lot about my brother. Dale cracks me up. Some days we’ll trade numerous emails (no IM for me—too intrusive), having little conversations about some news item, what’s happening in our lives, gossiping about a relative, as there is a LOT of material with our family fruit tree. The guys here in the house always know I’m trading emails with Dale when I start laughing hysterically while sitting at my desk. Not a lot funny usually happens in marketing research, so they know it’s not work related.
When we were kids, our family called my little brother “Dale Dale” cause the Kennedys called their favorite son “John John.” In return, my brother and dad called me “Ra.” Don’t ask me why. Aside from a brief stint as a “Cleo” in Girl Scouts because of an ill-advised hairdo and a Boyfriend-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named who called me Robbie, I haven’t had any other nicknames. I don’t think I am generally the kind of person who inspires nicknames. Someday I need to research the reasons for that.
Our whole gift-giving competition started a couple of years ago when something inspired Dale to send me this silver bowl of coal from that fancy schmancy, overpriced gift catalog Red Envelope.
Dale doesn’t normally go for the type of marketing hype that catalog specializes in, but something about a bowl of coal packaged with a flowery explanation assuring the lucky recipient that it was air purifying, positive karma tradition of some far-off land that made him think “Wow, that’s just the thing for Robin!” The fact that it was a bowl of coal at Christmas was a subtle message. But, hey, I’m smart. I got it right away.
That made me think. What would a clever fellow like Dale really love (okay, deserve) for Christmas?
Then one day, after surfing the Internet for about, oh, about six hours I just happened to stumble across these embarrassingly gross taxidermy frogs. What says “I love you” more than a taxidermy frog? TWO taxidermy frogs!! See, he loved them so much he put them on display in his home office.
I figured I was on a roll, so for his birthday I decided to help him with his garden décor. This little troll picking his nose sure did remind me of my little snot-nosed brother!
Dale was pretty much feeling the heat by now. So one day, he gleefully emailed months in advance of Christmas that he had found the perfect gift for me. He made sure that I had Harry lined up to take a photo of me opening the package since he couldn’t be here to present the treasure in person.
Inside was “knife man.”
Very funny. Have you noticed that Dale’s gifts are a bit insulting? Coal. Knives. Humm. Is there a message here?
What should I do for Christmas this year?
I found a great t-shirt with an Amish guy on it that says “Don’t Drink OR Drive.” That seems too easy. I also found a gun that makes all sorts of body sounds—farts, belches and such, but I think he’s seen those.
I’m putting on my thinking cap. Let me know if you have any great ideas. I need to make this a memorable Christmas for my little bro. He deserves it.
Hi! I'm Robin Ripley author of Wisdom for Home Preservers, published by Taunton Press. I am also co-author of Grocery Gardening. Bumblebee is about my life in rural Maryland, my garden and my love of food, my little dogs and pet chickens. You can follow me on Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook. Thank you for visiting!
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I’m actually closer to 6’4". I’ve grown up. I also say that because it helps my BMI.
OMG, Robin, I laughed so hard at your post! My younger brother would come up with fun stuff like that also. When we get together for holidays, he just cracks me up. I sure wish I was clever like you guys.
Sometimes I have trouble seeing your pictures, like today. But then I could come back tomorrow or in a few days, and see them just fine. Wonder why?
Anyway, for your brother… I once got my nephews reindeer candy holders. When you lifted the reindeer’s tail, and out would come a little chocolate candy, yes, like poo…
Carol, May Dreams Gardens
Your copulating frogs are hilarious! Your knife man is also quite naughty, if you know what I mean! What a great custom—who can outdo the other in giving outrageous gifts!
Reminds me of our burly, bearded friend who introduced Sara and I. He moved to Florida and became a spiritual teacher. Each Christmas, he would send us unusual gifts. A board game with angels—the winning player is the first one to get to heaven. Our daughter, Hedgehog, loves a book he sent one year. It’s an expensive, coffee table book on Cat Art. Not pictures of cats, but pictures painted by Cats.
For the sceptics, there are actual pictures of kitties with berets holding a paint brush and all the masterpieces created by the feline masters. You’ve heard of Cubism? This is Purrism! It’s actually a well crafted book, and it brought our family a lot of joy.
Hedgehog bought a sea otter bag for Sara one year, then complained that her mother wasn’t wearing it. It looks very real for a stuffed toy. The stomach zips open and holds your money, etc.
I’m afraid I’m at a loss for nasty gifts to suggest. A taxidermy mouse caught in a mousetrap? Get it—not a creature was stirring, not even a…
Sara and I do our gardening off the coast of British Columbia, Canada. Please visit our blog (http://www.gabriolagarden.blogspot.com) and read all about our adventures hauling horse manure, nourishing our plants, and harvesting the biggest, juiciest, tastiest beefsteak tomatoes ever grown!
Robin, you had another nickname when you were very small. Older brother, Chris, called you "Bee" because he could not pronounce your name. How fitting for "Bumblebee"! Mom
Carol – I don’t have any idea about the photo issue. I noticed the same thing when I visit my brother’s blog, which is also hosted at SquareSpace. Perhaps my new and upcoming redesign will solve the problem.
Hi Tim – The frogs are copulating? I thought they were playing leap frog! More obscenity!
Hey Mom – Yes, I had forgotten about Bee. But then, that nickname was gone by the time I could remember things.
–Robin (Bumblebee)
[…] brother (who you can read about here and here) probably wasn’t thinking Bumblebee when he sent this, but I couldn’t resist […]
[…] Perhaps you want to know what I gave my brother for our annual Christmas gift exchange? […]
[…] traffic has increased exponentially during this holiday season because of the goofy story about giving my brother gifts such as taxidermy and nose-picking garden trolls. I hope the silly gift exchange with my brother […]
[…] the years, we have exchanged taxidermy frogs, poo-themed gifts, concrete nose-picking trolls, bowls of coal, straight jackets and human-figure […]
I wonder where Dale gets his wicked sense of humor…from big sis?
Very helpful gift ideas. Thanks for sharing. i love all the ideas.
thanks for the great ideas for Father’s Day gifts.
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